Alone
by procrastinatingwriter
Summary: Sirius Black has a lot of time to think about everything. Instrospection.


Sirius Black was carted off to Azkaban without a struggle. With no trial, he would never be able to prove his innocence. No one had even checked his wand, or his forearm for the Dark Mark. They had just automatically assumed he was a Death Eater, never mind his outspoken views on what he thought of them. And to think all of this was because of a sniveling little rat called Pettigrew!

Sirius accepted his fate, trapped in Azkaban. The only thing that kept him sane was his innocence. Somehow, Sirius expected someone to visit. It didn't matter if they were only there to curse his name, but he would have a chance. A chance at proving he wasn't guilty. Yet no one came.

Sirius had his hopes up, despite the Dementors. After a couple months had passed, Sirius had felt an utter sense of hopelessness overcome him. He fought the cloud of depression hovering over the entire place. He would not become like all the other prisoners - crying and wailing - because he was innocent!

By the time a year had passed, Sirius had all but given up. He had watched as the prisoners around him died, slowly giving up. The screaming had unnerved him in the beginning, but the silence was even worse.

Sirius understood that Remus probably wouldn't be able to visit him, but he had thought their friendship meant something. He had thought that their loyalty counted for something. Even if he couldn't have, why didn't Dumbledore? He would, no doubt, be able to get permission. Yet no visitors came.

Time was lost in Azkaban. People forgot about Azkaban. Sirius wondered if Remus forgot about him. He felt almost betrayed by Remus, but he didn't blame him. He had no one to blame but himself. After all, he had made the decision to switch Secret-Keeper to Pettigrew. It was his actions that was responsible for what had happened, for James and Lily dying.

Still, he wondered. Did anyone care about him at all? If the situations were reversed, and it was Remus in Azkaban, he would've visited. Most likely to try and murder him, but he would want to know why. Remus didn't.

What did that mean? Did Remus simply not care enough about him, to even think or question his motives? Either way, Sirius felt betrayed. Remus would most likely also feel betrayed, but he wasn't the one locked up, knowing that he was the reason for James and Lily dying. It hurt more than he cared to admit, knowing that no one questioned his so called "betrayal". James was Sirius's best mate as well. People tended to forget that.

He wondered about it, in his spare time. He had an entire lifetime to think, so he did. He valued the Marauders, and their friendship. He had trusted Dumbledore with his life. Did they all think that he had no feelings? Perhaps they truly believed that he was willing to betray them all. No one wanted to hear his side of the story, and he understood. He really did. It was his family name that sent them running.

The Blacks were a dark family. It didn't matter if he had rejected Slytherin, the supposed dark house and joined Gryffindor. It didn't matter that he had befriend James Potter. All that mattered was he was a traitor and deserved to rot in Azkaban for the rest of his life. With people like Bellatrix coming from the Black family, he could understand. It didn't mean he had to like it.

The years passed by slowly. There was no sign that anyone believed in his innocence. He tried not to let that get to him, but it did. Between the Dementors and the mental anguish… he chose the Dementors in a heartbeat. Not even Dumbledore believed he was innocent. Dumbledore gave second chances to everyone, but not to him.

If he wanted to too, Dumbledore could've demanded a trial for him. Crouch did it to his son, even if he had sent him to Azkaban in the end. Perhaps Dumbledore truly didn't care about him. He didn't bother giving him a trial to see if he really was innocent. What did that mean for him, Sirius wondered. What did it mean that Albus Dumbledore, a person who believed everyone should have a second chance for atonement, didn't believe he should get a second chance? The implied message stung, and Sirius wondered if anyone actually cared if he was innocent.

He wondered about Harry as well. He hoped he had a nice childhood, and he only wished he hadn't acted like the Gryffindor he was. If he hadn't acted so rashly, he would've been able to watch Harry grow up. Instead, he was locked up, while Harry grew up without him.

Sirius had a brief respite when he turned into his Animagus form. It helped but he was still too weak. Azkaban barely served its prisoners any food, so his frame turned gaunt. He was emaciated from the Dementors as well as the conditions. Sometimes Sirius considered his innocence a curse.

He wasn't sure if it would really be all that bad if he didn't know he was innocent. The knowledge that he was innocent and no one knew it or even believed him was like sledgehammer to his heart. Without knowing he was innocent, he most certainly would lose his sanity. He'd be like any other prisoner there. Was that really any worse than what he already felt?

Sirius Black was a prisoner. An innocent man wrongly sent to Azkaban, and an innocent man he would die. His innocence kept him intact, along with his Animagus form. He wondered how Remus would react when he died. Most likely it would be something along the lines of "good riddance". The thought hurt him more than he expected it would. All those years hadn't made him colder after all. It had made him more sensitive with time on his hands to truly regret his decisions. With all that time on his hands, it also meant closure and acceptance.

Sirius Black was an innocent man, and he would die completely alone.


End file.
